


Creases in Joy

by TrashyTime



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Episode: s01e06 Rare Species, Gen, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Whump, Introspection, Maudlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22912138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashyTime/pseuds/TrashyTime
Summary: Geralt is trapped in the realization that the boy he loves is now fully a man, and he can feel the pressure of how the human will soon leave him.I could not stop feeling for Geralt, after I learned it was 20 years from first to last meeting for them. Jaskier gets poked for his crows feet despite the makeup department not aging him at all, and the rest bloomed from there.What must crows feet on a man he forever saw as that fresh youth, mean to a man who no longer aged?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 16
Kudos: 81





	Creases in Joy

It's the wrinkle between his brows that catches Geralt's eyes first. It's been spotted before, it's just part of Jaskier's mobile and ever changing face. 

But it comes with new companions. Companions that may fade like it once did, but even in sleep, that crease remains in once smooth skin. The hints of tan lines paler where the bard squints whenever they are outside or become deep crevasses when he laughs, look more like scars than anything Geralt has wanted to mar the young boy he will always see Jaskier as. It steals Geralt's breath. 

It makes the bard precious, but also fragile. It reminds him just how human the effervescent man is. It reminds him how inevitable the loss is. The irrefutable fact that all humans must die. That no human can be his, not for long. 

It was part of why he had run so far and hard from his child surprise. How could he watch the rapid growth of a child, see the changes day by day, and not be constantly reminded that he would bury his son by destiny wrinkled and old if his way of life didn't kill him far before the withering of age wisened him into fragile dullness. 

Geralt felt the churning in his gut as he watched the bard try to be enthusiastic about another adventure. Watched the fake flirting that was so obviously for show anymore. His boy was a man. One falling through the end of his summer. There were smatterings of pale hairs in that once uniform mane. Not the result of mutations, but the ravages of time on the human form. 

Geralt wanted to grab Jaskier and shake him. Wanted to scold him for risking the few years that remained to him chasing a dragon or another wild story. To shout that Geralt couldn't bury him. Not when he had come to mean so much. 

Seeing Yen, as unchanged as himself, more so as Geralt had a new scar on his neck, was like a lifeline when he felt like he was drowning. He couldn't hope to keep a human. But maybe he could give Jaskier one last story, fill one last adventure, while reminding himself he would not truly remain alone. Not as long as Yennefer kept him close. Stayed in his orbit. 

He would surely lose any human he cared for… but with Yennefer he might build something stable. More stable at least, than fleeting humans with their fragile lives and emotions carved further into their faces with every passing season… proof of how soon they would leave him one way… or another. 

Geralt's heart pained at the idea and he shoved it away, ignoring the look of upset on that familiar face beside him. Anything to not see those lines where he rolled expressive eyes, nor see the cracks on fine hands that still plucked the lute, with far more skill than when they first met. 

He had to focus on Yennefer, on proof he needn't be alone, or the weight of the daunting future before him would surely split his heart in two. He could no more face the human beside him, than the child surprise off becoming a young lad somewhere. He had somehow lost his heart to the man beside him. He could not face that child, not knowing the pain he felt beside the once lad beside him. 

Geralt had doomed himself, the moment he let a dumb lad with bread down his pants, charm him into being allowed to tag along. For once you let one human into your heart, no matter how briefly, they change it. Open it to more hurt. 

And while pain was an old friend to the witcher, this pain, the pain of loss, was so terrifying for how in brief moments he had felt it's relief. 

He nearly hated the man beside him for how in moments of weakness, the bard could make him forget his worries. Could remove the loneliness completely. 

It was no kindness, for the relief made the return that much harder. Witchers that live, don't feel emotions… because the pain of them kills more surely than a monster claw or brigand blade. 

So he threw his everything into reaching for the other immortal, for Yennefer. Threw his all into clinging to hope that could weather the coming days and years and decades. 

Because Jaskier, the human, had cracked Geralt open… and ruined the Witcher for a life alone with only a horse for companionship. 

Damn the man, and the smiles that made crevices appear where once there was only joy.

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this here as it is dark and depressing thoughts. A peek into the gaping chasm that is Geralt's mind, the echo chamber of an immortal trapped with short lived humans. 
> 
> Feel free to tell me off, but if you like this and want more of the pain, please do also tell me that.


End file.
